Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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