Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
