i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
