he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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