if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
