i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
