i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
