turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
