That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
