If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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