We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
