According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
