Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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