all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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