I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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