don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
