I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
