the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
