So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
