I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
