Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
