When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
