Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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