I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
