I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
