Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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