I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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