He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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