Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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