I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
