How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize