I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
