I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
