you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
