Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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