Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
