Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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