Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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