Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
