My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
