How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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