It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
