Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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