I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
