apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
