Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
