I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize