did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
