New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
