Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
