i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
