all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
