Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize