did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
