I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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