4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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