Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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