Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
