I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
