Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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