Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
