9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
