"it" just moved
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
