I think my fart just growled at me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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