you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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