I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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