forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
