dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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