dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
