I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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