i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
