i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
