I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize