I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
