Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize