Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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